Listen to What Tez Sez About....

For 15 years and far too early in the morning, Tez was the Gag Guy for Brisbane’s No 1 Breakfast Radio Show: 97.3fm’s Bianca, Terry & Bob. Weekday mornings Tez shares his view on life with Tez Sez and Terry’s Top 5!


This Week...

Could Stefan's Ski Needle Be Used as part of Richard Branson's Brisbane Spaceport?

Putting Traffic Lights into the Footpath so that Texters can see that the Light has Turned Green before they Cross is Just Getting in the Way of Natural Selection!

Heavy Breathing in the Middle of the Night was Coming from a Family Member - Outside??!!

You're Not Storm Ready if your Wife and Dog just flew off in the Garden Shed yelling "We're Not in Carindale Anymore!"


What Tez Sez About...

Khloe Kardashian says you can still workout even when you're studying for a Bar Exam?! To Be A Barmaid?!

The Tough Moment for Matt Damon hanging out with Chris Hemsworth is when people ask him to Take Their Picture with Thor?!

Disney worried about the image of Princesses after Snow White Runs Away and Moves in with 7 Little Men, putting the Ho back in "Hi Ho?!"

SEX ADDICTION symptom: An Isolated Reaction by One Particular Muscle that is So Violent You Can't Keep it in Your Pants?!

Barbie arrives to Make her Movie on Gold Coast but Ken is Arrested for Smuggling Rainbow Budgies?!

Just What do they Mean by 50 Shades Darker? And What is that Noise in the RED ROOM?!

If I put a Coffee Ring or a Chocolate Stain on a Book , I ruin One Page. On a Kindle, It's on Every Page of Every Book I Own?!

In the Brangelina Divorce Custody Will Be Split Evenly. One Parent will take the Domestic the Other the Imported?!

Amber Heard returns to the Gold Coast to Film AQUAMAN and Barnaby Joyce takes over Minister for Fisheries?!

The Royal on the Park Top Floor Suites are Available as Penthouses of Perv While Hemsworth and Hiddleston are Filming Thor in the Brisbane CBD.

When the New Female Jane Bond Sleeps with Three Counter Agents per Movie, People Call Her Mean Names Like 0055?!

Top Gun 30 Years On: Maverick Takes Out a Tinnie of Terrorists in the Timor Sea?!

Johnny's Depposition on his Wife's Wayward Puppies says he Only Wanted One Big Dog with a Barrel around it's Neck?!

73 year Old Harrison Ford to Star in Raiders of the Disabled Car Park?

My 4yo Great Nephew "Action Jackson" talks Food Choices with Jack Black the Kung Fu Panda?!

Brad Hair Day: When your haircut is so bad, no-one would believe you're a Movie Star

The Worst Book I was made to Read reminds me of the Last Worst Book I Read

The Brisbane Chef who served Cocaine instead of Italian Food says Your Pizza Will Be Delivered IN 30 SECONDS OR IT'S FREE!!!!!

Can "50 Shades of Chafe" outlast "Chafing the Dream" over 48km Kokoda Challenge Brisbane?!

Could Stefan's Ski Needle Be Used as part of Richard Branson's Brisbane Spaceport?

If You're Forking Out $10 Million for the Skase Mansion at Hamilton Beware of Asbestos That May Have Caused Sudden Onset Emphysema?!

At $167 for a Family to Aussie World and a Couple of Hundred to Australia Zoo why are people Racing to pay $162 to get to Gympie?!

You can Echinacea from May to July to avoid the Brisbane Flu but the EKKA will get you in August!

Houses on the Hill at Hamilton boast Super Blue Blood Moon Views and have Added a Million to their Mansions?!

Queens Wharf Casino by the River has an Accommodation for Card Counters to Sleep with the Fishes?!

Of course your daughters off to meet a US Sailor! Who books a $75 Uber to Luggage Point?!

It's So Hot In Brisbane Players Start Passing Out in the Rugby Tens...Nines...Eights...Back to Sevens?!

Supanova Fans Flock to the #Super Moon expecting Superman to do Something Inappropriate!

7 yo Tyson says he can fill in to Drive QR Trains having already done Runs with Thomas, James and the Sometimes Difficult Gordon!

RIVERFIRE was Delayed because the Super Hornet had to Look Left and Right to Make Sure SANTA wasn't Coming?!

No-One Ever Asks the Animals What They Think of THE EKKA - Brisbane's Annual Agricultural Show - Until Now!

Sinkhole in an Ipswich Backyard or Have My Land Values Finally Fallen Below My Interest Rate?!

Best Ever Definition of Winter Comes from a Kiwi Working at Pizza Capers!

Your Neighbour probably just Won $40 Million if he needs the keys to the Limo to Move the Yacht to get to the Horse Float to Put the Chopper back in the Hanger!

If UQ wants to Stay in the Top 100 Unis, avoid Students that Drink Anything over OP12

Postcard Bandit Brenden Abbott was surprised when the Police Prius Paddy Wagon picked him up?! They didn't have those 20 years ago?!

You didn't even know Rolls Royce made Utes until a Tradie with Over-a-Billion Bucks in the Bank Pulled up Out Front?!

This Clean Up Australia Day get all the people with Stacks of Tyres in their Garage with the People with Cars on Blocks on their Footpaths and We can Get Some Reasonable Used Cars and Build a Decent Retaining Wall!

With Stores Closing Dick Smith bans use of his name: Dicky Beach will be closed to all Men wearing "DT"S!

You Can Vote for the Maccas Worker for Deputy Mayor by Stepping Up to the Counter and Waiting for Your Number. Or You Can Create Your Own Mc Candidate by using the Interactive Panel Behind You!

You Know it's Hot because the Ham, Cheese and Salad Sandwich in your kids Lunch Box came out as a Toasted Cheesebread BLT!

You're Not Storm Ready if your Wife and Dog just flew off in the Garden Shed yelling "We're Not in Carindale Anymore!"

Top 5 Rich Kid at State School

Top 5 City Casino Features

Top 5 Ducks on Gateway

Brisbane named the Flu Capital of Australia?! Even saying "Brisbane" Sounds like you're trying to say Somewhere else with your Stuffed up Nose?!

There's a Not So Subtle Difference Between Medicinal Marijuana and Two Dudes Dressed like Doctors on Venice Beach!

There are Three Stages to a Big Night Out! If you're not Willing to Execute All Three....DON'T PLAY!

To offset your Medical Insurance Rise tell the AMBO transferring you to the RBWH after ramping at the P.A to use the ICB and save $4.85 on the Clem 7 Tunnel!

You Know There's Medicinal Marijuana in Your Sugar Cane Field because the Cane Train is Blowing Smoke - and It's Deisel?!

QLD Health want to Track Mosquitos with Zika Virus. I can't Track One around my Bedroom without Slapping Myself in the Face!

Vitamin D Deficiency requires four consecutive days on the Beach.

You Don't Have EBOLA! You have a stiff neck and a white blotchy face because you're a House Painter!

The Thumb Test that proves I don't drink my Green Goop for the Taste

What happens when you can't even say the "Smokes" any more?

Brisbane named the Flu Capital of Australia?! Even saying "Brisbane" Sounds like you're trying to say Somewhere else with your Stuffed up Nose?!

Hear How a 7 Year Old "I-Child" Copes with "Too Much Memory?!"

Why does my son want me to stop giving great driving advice like "You're Right on Your Left?!"

Doesn't Look Like My Daughter will need the Splendour on the Grass Fashion Item I Bought Her at Bunnings?!

Heavy Breathing in the Middle of the Night was Coming from a Family Member - Outside??!!

How to Tie Toga Knots to keep your Daughter Safe!

Parenting Tips: Sorry New Dad. The Boobies are for the Babies!

Things Not to Say to your Daughter Day After She Didn't get to see One Direction

Winter is Cooming, just not to my Lounge Room!

How to Tell My Wife isn't ready to cut the Wine Budget

The Orange Besties

A strange noise in the Night made reach for the Conversation Cricket Bat

Tez Grandmas Shepherds Pie

Logical Shoes

Gutter Cleaner

The New Robot Recycle Bin In Ipswich Turns to You from the Footpath and Says "I'll Be Back?!"

In Flight Yoga Meditation Music Makes Pilots Sleepy So They Surrender Their Chakras to the Automatic Pilot

After an Open Casket Service The Founder of IKEA's NIRVANA Coffin was Sealed with a Golden Allen Key and he was laid to rest in Aisle 36 Section 7 Shelf 4

Would Whipper Snippers Make it to Market past Shark Tanks Naomi Simson with their 14 step Starter Sequence?!

Pamela Anderson's Vegan Restaurant says Quiche is made from Chicken before it has a Face - Which is the Rule?!

No Bunny Ever Said: "With All This Easter Egg Hunting, I think I've Actually Dropped A Few Kilos?!"

If Your QCS Exam is Too Tough, Consider Your OPSM, BLT, RACQ,TAB or BCF?!

Saying All White Whales are Migaloo is the Slippery Slope Down the Sluice Deck to Racism!

That's Not the Pokémon Lizard Charizard on your Kitchen Wall, It's Just a Gecko!

The people that live in the Main Street of the 16 House Sawmill Town Up for Sale say the Other Street are Up Themselves because They 've got Views of Boondoomba Dam!

Putting Traffic Lights into the Footpath so that Texters can see that the Light has Turned Green before they Cross is Just Getting in the Way of Natural Selection!

How avoiding ATM Fees has made me Drink More Beer and Eat More Bunnings Sausage Sizzle?!

Easter Speeding Excuse: It's all right officer, I'm speeding to get to the Byron Bay Blues Festival, but I'll be Travelling Muuuch Sloooower on the Way Back?!

Cardboard is just Hard Paper, Paper comes from Trees, therefore Cardboard Boxes can go in my Green Waste Miniskip!

What Bottle will a New $5 Wattle Note Buy at the Bottle-O?

If Bright Lights and Noise Keep You Awake in Your Inner City Apartment, It's Because You're Not Supposed to Sleep! You're Supposed to Go Out!

They want to Stop Service at Bottle Shops after 10pm to curb Drinking. What about those of us that don't start drinking until 10pm?!

If you SEE before you DO and everyone is always trying to get you off their Back, The Year of the Monkey is for You!

You know you have Woman's CV because it doesn't list her Golf Handicap

Terry explores the Non-Martial Art of Non Violent Bouncing

If you think Maths is bad at the Checkout, wait until the Beeper Thing stops Beeping?!

The Telstra Tower Next to The Gabba have scheduled their "Regular" Saturday and Sunday Night Top Floor Staff Meetings During the Brisbane ADELE Concerts!

Michael Buble Just Released New Fragrance on Facebook called "I Just Haven't Met You Yet, But I Can Smell You From Here!

Taylor Swift seen in Gold Coast Store asking if they had any Undies without "Calvin" written on them?!

Celebrant asks Why Kylie Minogue and Joshua should not be Married and Jason Donovan Appears out of Nowhere Screaming "You're Mine Charlene!"

DAMI IM's Next Move is the Dami Army IM - vasion of USA all the way to the Presidential IM-auguration!

The Edge asked the Sistine Chapel if they Were Ready to Rock and They All Held Lit Candles in the Air - YEAH!

By 10pm Brisbane Crowd wanted MADONNA to Get into the Groove, but would have settled for Get into the Limo and Get to the Concert!

21,000 Highlighters used to Smuggle 300kg of Ephadrine? I've never got more than a "C" but my Homework has a Street Value of $10,000!

If there a Six Black SUVs Driving Down the Road, Schapelle Corby is Driving the One with "L" Plates!

30% of Australians who have "No Religion" will find it just before a Bungee Jump or 5 numbers up in Lotto waiting for the Supplementary!

You'd Escape 10 weeks before release from a Bali Prison too, if Tiny's Boyfriend had got Parole and You were the Next Cutest!

Clive Palmer still suffering symptoms on his Spanish Cruise: Alcoholic Amnesia - By the time he'd had his First Cocktail He'd forgotten All Our Problems?!

Schapelle Corby # gives clue to her whereabouts: Snorkling near Coral #Great Barrier Reefer!

Titles that Suggest Your Bookstore is Supporting Jihadists: Harry Potter and the Prison Escape of Azkahban and What's A Girl Doing on the Train!

Tell the Backflipping Shark in the Water behind You that You Gave Him a 9.8, but the Tasty Guy on the Board Next to You Only Gave Him a 6?!

Donald Trump says NZ PM Jacinda Ardern is Welcome to Visit the USA with her Baby, but they will be Separated at the Border?!

Under Kim Kardashian's Presidency we will all get to Vote on Everything by Pressing "Like or Love Heart" on Her Kimstagram?!

At the Singapore Summit Kim Jong Un thought Donald Trump was calling him Some Kind of Fascist Dictator but He was just ordering Nasi Goreng for Lunch

I Put a Picture of my Family in the Middle of a Dart Board and Threw Budget Promises at it?! They didn't hit me Once!

Malcolm Turnbull has told Honourable Members to Keep their Members More Honourable?!

Like TIME Magazine, the Pope doesn't remember declaring Donald Trump A Saint, though there is a Special Place for him in the other Direction!

Now Yes Vote has won for Same Sex Marriage how will I afford Wedding Gifts as Fabulous as my Gay friends bought me 25 Years Ago?!

The Bedazzled Envelope with the Rainbow Stamp Sealed with a Loving LGBTI Kiss is Probably a Yes Vote for SAME SEX Marriage!

As Pauline Hanson walked into Parliament in a Burqa she was Applauded for Finally Having New Material until she took it off?!

QLD Mayor explains carrying $50,000 cash at Tullamarine: "How Much Does a Coffee, Cake and Foccacia Cost at these Airport Cafes?!"

Pauline Hanson's New Beer is a Little Bit Bitter with a Big Red Head!

Unofficial Audio of the Call from Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull to President Donald Trump

Hilary Clinton will wear the Traditional Dress of New England to Donald Trumps Inauguration: Hunting Jacket and 12 Gauge?!

In the Wake of a Ginger U.S. President Rupert Grint wants Hogwarts renamed to WEASLEY'S WORLD OF WANDS!

President Donald Trump will have a Hard Time recruiting Cheap Mexican Labour to Build A Wall to Keep Out Cheap Mexican Labour?!

Wyatt Roy Knew what it was like to take on Extremists with an Acronym for a Name because He'd Served with the LNP!

CENSUS Night has Everything Other Nights like CHRISTMAS Have - EXCEPT A SONG - UNTIL NOW!

If Kevin Rudd can't Run the U.N. he may become the Dalai Kevin and Try to Come Back Again and Again and Again!

You Know You're Being Rushed Through Emergency When the Ambulance Clears the Ramping and Lands You In Maternity!

Queensland Police Don't have Enough Cars and are Seeking Alternative Transport

The All New Pauline Hanson thinks Tinnie Terrorists in the Timor Sea should be sent back where they came?....forward to where they?.....She Doesn't Like Them!

Five Would Be Terrorists in a Tinnie in the Timor Sea are stuck between A Shark or a Croc and have to chose between Allah, Jesus and would probably give Buddha A Go!

Donald Trump thinks the Attack at 7-11 Was Caused by Obama Bin Laden?!

Bikie Laws are softening and the all night Revving in the Titan Next Door is not After Hours Lawn Mower Repairs?!

The Greens How-To -Vote Card is Bio-Degradable on Recycled Paper and Might Disintegrate Before You Get to the Council Polling Booth!

Tasmanian Senator Jackie Lambie wants to know Just How Hung this Queensland Parliament Is?

Councillor Exposed by Ashley Maddison Hack wants to be Known As "Mr Dirty Speaker!"

The Only Problem with Two Ex- Bronco Senators is that When they Win a Vote, One Jumps on the Others Back and Rides Him Around Parliament House!

Why President Barak Obama doesn't intimidate PM Malcolm Turnbull

The Queen was Front Row at London Fashion Week and Surprised to Learn Such Undergarments were Queen Victoria's Secret?!

Wills and Kate's Third Child will not be called Richard the Third for Historical Reasons?!

If Prince George doesn't get an "A" at his $10000 a Term Primary School His Teacher is Kept Back until He Does?!

If Your Husband Suggests "We Go to Park Road for Coffee after Dinner!", He Actually Wants to Watch the World Cup!

When a Team Wins Origin in Melbourne?! They Celebrate with a Latte Crawl Up Lygon Street

If you're Drinking a Boutique Stout Hogsboulter you probably shouldn't be watching State of Origin you Soccer Loving Hipster?!

You've Swiped on a Games Athlete on Tinder if He enjoys Long Runs Along the Beach after a Swim and Bike Ride?!

Deserted Gold Coast Cafes have put Red and Yellow Flags Outside their Doors and tell Tourists They Must Eat Between Them?!

Gold Coast Meter Maids Banned During the Games Could Come to Brisbane Making Dads Volunteer to take the Kids to Southbank!

230,000km over 388 days using 38000 Runners and the Queens Baton Relay almost came Undone at the Last Handover!

No Time for a Lap of Honour after State of Origin in Adelaide. Have to Celebrate before Everything Closes at 10pm!

You suspect your NRL Player might have a Substance Use Issue when he stays out until 5am in Canberra Celebrating a Game He Lost!

The Womans Brisbane Lions AFL team should play at the Gold Coast because the Gabba Grass has no memory of a Lions Team Winning A Grand Final in the Last 15 Years?!

Delta Goodrem could have easily converted 5 of her existing Hits to Sing About Rugby League!

Laura Geitz Hacked Police File includes allegations from the NSW Swifts that they were robbed in both the 2015 and 2016 Netball Finals?!

As the Horses Round the Final Bend at Oaks Day USAIN BOLT is waiting to take the Whip and Run the Home Straight?!

Nick Kyrgios can Spend His 8 Weeks Off as A Scary Clown wielding a Tennis Racquet. He doesn't Even Need A Red Nose!

Jarryd Haynes $5000 Seems Like A Lot for a Hit on a Ref?! But There are Two Refs, Two Linesman and That Bloody Bunker That Robbed The Titans!

US Swimmers Mistook Bathroom Brawl for Stick Up because the Petrol Station Attendant Threatened to Fill Them Full of Unleaded?!

Are Firebirds Still Celebrating or Did a Statue of Romelda Aikin in KGS just Knock Down a Pigeon with A Purple Clutch?!

The Elevator in the #RioOlympics Accommodation has a Sign that Says "Not to be Used In Case...." - Just "In Case?!"

RBWH Royal Run for Research has been Running for 28 Years, but you can Knock it Over Inside an Hour! 6.30 - 7.30 Registration for 8am Start: City Botanic Gardens (QUT entry to Goodwill Bridge, entry via Gardens Point Road)

If Accused on Video of Snorting White Powder in A Sydney Pub, Say You Thought it was Asbestos and Went in For A Really Really Close Look!

You know that there were Too Many Drugs in Sport when the Tour De France is Won by a Reasonably Fit Dad and his Kid in a Baby Seat?!

Unions taking over Gold Coast Commonwealth Games! Marathon Times Blow Out as all runners have a rostered Meal Break after Two Hours?!

Do You Know the True Origins or State of Origin? Then You're Not a QUEENSLANDER!!!

Borobi the Blue Koala Mascot for the Gold Coast Commonwealth Games continues a long Tradition started by Kombi, Barbi, Surfi and Sicki!

How my Boss saved me from Going Bald and Made me a Better Broncos Supporter?!

You know there's NSW Rubbish Dumped in your QLD Bin! Mitchell Pearce has gone missing and your dog is barking at the Green Bin!

Want to know How To Lose The Game and The Fight and Still Come Away with the Win?

The Brother of the NRL Player who Painted a Penis in the Roma St Parklands says it will be much less Impressive and Offensive Come Winter

If you're rocking a Council Bus in Caxton Street because the Drivers Wearing Blue, it's Time to Go Back Home To Origin Camp

Mitchell Pearce's Punishment Should Be to Walk the Dog the Length of Bondi Beach to Bondi Vet so the Dog Can Get a Shot!

Auditing Warnie revealed Business Related Calls, but not the Sort you'd Donate To?!

Lleyton Hewitt has Five New Job Offers Waiting after Tennis

Hear How a 7 Year Old "I-Child" Copes with "Too Much Memory?!"

The I Phone "7" Stands For 7 Adaptors I Have That Won't Fit the Next I Phone!

Miranda Kerr announces Engagement to Snapchat Billionaire by Posting a 10 sec Video of Capturing Him in a Pokémon Ball

Putting Traffic Lights into the Footpath so that Texters can see that the Light has Turned Green before they Cross is Just Getting in the Way of Natural Selection!

RSIphone - Repetitive Selfie Imaging - A kind of Whiplash Teenage Girls get from Striking a Pose every time they pass a Phone Screen.

After Success of Quiet Carriages, Tech disconnects 1.5m Customers to Trial Quiet Suburbs?

Why Half a Billion More People Own a Mobile Phone than a Toothbrush

We need to Reboot Old Sayings to make them relevant to Social Media

How I waved my Kids goodbye at School and paid everybody's Tuckshop Bill?!

To all who said the I Cloud can't be hacked, I use an old fashioned term: DERR!!

Why You Should ask Siri if you're OK to Drive?!

If Nick "The Honey Badger" Bachelor expresses himself in only Tradie Undie Speak, the show will need Subtitles!

There's No Seat on the Bus Unless Ninja Warrior Mary Uses the Handles to Climb Over the Other Passenger's Heads without Ringing the Bell!

Would Whipper Snippers Make it to Market past Shark Tanks Naomi Simson with their 14 step Starter Sequence?!

John Snow's New D&G Fragrance makes you Smell Good even after You've Been Dead Between Seasons?!

MKR Pete Evans says Camel Milk for Babies. They Only Need A Drink Once A Week and Then They Wander Off into the Sandpit!

I Knew Ty Burrell was Phil Dunphy in MODERN FAMILY and Bailey the Beluga Whale in FINDING DORY and I THOUGHT I knew who he was in BLACKHAWK DOWN?! But he set me Straight in a Very Funny Way!

You know Your Workmate Will Sneak Out to Watch Game of Thrones because She's Sitting at Her Desk Naked with Three Bearded Dragons and All the Cutlery from the Kitchen in the Back of Her Chair!

When My Kitchen Rules Judge Pete Evans Bride Rode A Horse Down the Aisle It Took One Look at Paleo Pete and Bolted. Luckily He was in Time To Drag Her Back By the Hair?!

Anthony Wiggles Wedding Speech was a bit Blue. He told new Purple Wiggle Lachlan not to be a Jeff on his Wedding Night! Everybody Clapped: Clap! Clap! Clap!

Shane the Tank Engine has changed Thomas and Friends Names to Thommo, Jimbo, Gordo and Fatty Boombah to Make them more Australian!!

Only a Bingewatcher would understand! I Have to Knock Over the House of Cards because Winter is Cooming!

Is this why Underbelly Character Mick Gatto couldn't get into the Bank Of Qld?

I Knew Ty Burrell was Phil Dunphy in MODERN FAMILY and Bailey the Beluga Whale in FINDING DORY and I THOUGHT I knew who he was in BLACKHAWK DOWN?! But he set me Straight in a Very Funny Way!

Effie came to launch Paniyiri and Tell Terry why she could Never "Go There" with him?!

My 4yo Great Nephew "Action Jackson" talks Food Choices with Jack Black the Kung Fu Panda?!

KEVIN HART says the Way to Win with Women is Through Distraction!

What is the Monty Python Joke That JOHN CLEESE can No Longer Tolerate?

Teaching "ZOOKEEPER" KEVIN JAMES how to Speak Magpie for his Own Protection!

It took the Comedy Store Audience a while to work out that CARL BARRON was Sunstruck!

SETH ROGAN would have left L.A. and gone back to Canada but for One Comic Friend!

Is JIMEOIN Funny without his Accent?

Tez dresses as Ron Burgundy to get WILL FERRELL's attention on Red Carpet

Tez Apologises to KITTY FLANAGAN for Constantly Getting Her Name Wrong

ROWAN ATKINSON is there anywhere you can't watch Mr Bean?

BILLY CONNOLLY tells Tez his Favourite Gag